For many of you, your computer is your life. It contains all the key elements to sustain a healthy and happy existence. For many college students, it is their calendar, datebook, access to classes and homework, and entertainment. It is a student’s lifeline against a chaotic world. It breaches countries and seas, mountains and desserts, to bring international access to your fingertips. Many students realize this lifeline amenity and they cherish it accordingly. But, there are the select few people who take the computer/man relationship to the next level. These are 5 things one should not overdue when using a computer, so as to maximize health, prosperity, and sanity.
1. Don't blow a gasket
Do not spend more than one hour a day perusing Internet porn. (Big shocker that this is the first one.) We all have our needs, but when you overdue this little number you drastically risk mental and physical health. (We’re talking tendonitis and carpel tunnel…yeah, serious stuff!) You are going to hurt yourself. But most likely you will kill your computer. Just like in the real world there are sexually transmitted diseases, the Internet world possesses severe threats as well. Don’t give your computer AIDS.
2. Don't dropkick your computer
From time to time, everyone has gotten the urge to head-butt their computer screen when those stupid little boxes pop up talking some incongruous gibberish about administrative error, and total annihilation of mankind and what not. But that is no reason to chuck the poor thing from your window. Just hit “continue,” or “allow,” or “wipe clean” when the little box pops up. I’m sure it won’t have any negative effects on the wellness of your computer. (See operators manual before taking any advice from above.)
3. Don't be a fool
Chat rooms are the unholiest of… they’re just bad okay. There is no sanctity among their users. Chances are, if you think you are talking to a girl—then you are definitely talking to a man. If you get fooled into going on a blind date with dTf_sexypants then it’s your own damn fault. You are really just setting yourself up with a 300-pound, bald, man-child with an erection. Things will not work out between the two of you.
4. Don't go "hard" on your computer
When your computer misbehaves, don’t try and make an example out of your printer to assert your dominance over the machines in your house. The printer takes orders from the computer; the computer takes orders from you. There is a chain of command: don’t break it by punishing the printer. He did nothing wrong.
5. Don't let your computer become a hipster
When your computer starts to run slow—which will happen due to old age—don’t funnel coffee into the USB port. This will only be a temporary fix. And once your computer has tasted the heavenly liquid of roasted Columbian beans, it will demand more and more every day—only functioning with caffeine coercing through its circuit board. It will start wearing skinny jeans, striped tank tops, scarves and fedoras. It will frequent crummy dive bars and start hanging out in coffee shops, saying trendy words like, “skip-scat,” or “flipity-flop,” and grow a mustache and reject mainstream culture. You have created a monster!
Your computer is your lifeline in a technology driven world. (Soon the machines will take rise.) It provides an essential service required of every student. This is a world where 80-year-old professors who walk slower than a sloth have Facebook and Twitter. So stay up to date and keep your mind and computer healthy.
When these general computer etiquettes and rules are maintained and respected appropriately, the user of the computer will adapt nicely with this fast paced technological world of ours. So next time you are on eBay perusing the categories, killing time, don’t buy 10,000 Bennie Babies for 39 cents: this is not a steal, it is insane. Or if you find yourself contemplating buying those—natural falice enhancements or booby enlargers, remember: they don’t work. You will probably grow a third nipple or something—men, possibly a third testicle. (Doesn’t sound too bad if I don’t say so myself.)
Health, body, and mind can ultimately be cleansed with the numerous amenities a computer can possess. There are an enumerable amount of random things people can do on one of these damn things, so don’t overdue it by wrecking your computer and sanity. Use it well, and maintain a smart and healthy relationship with your computer. (It could save your life when the machines take over.)
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